Tron Legacy – Daft Punk – Fall
Thelma & Louise – Suite
Titanic – An Ocean Of Memories
Tried and tested – delicious!
Originally posted on she cooks...he cleans:
Recently at the Saturday morning farmers’ market in Decatur, we picked up some fresh eggs from a local farm. You might ask, “now what does that have to do with salmon?” Thanks for asking, because I’m having a heck of a time getting this post started! Well, I’m not a big egg-eater so I needed to come up with some other uses for the eggs. Also, I have a bottle of great-tasting olive oil from Kasandrino’s…eggs plus olive oil equals mayonnaise! (I’m getting to the salmon…) Next thing you know, I have a big jar of homemade, lemony mayonnaise with no real plans for using it. (As you can see, I was not thinking too far ahead last week.) Thankfully I ran across a sale on salmon and put the mayo to great use!
Coating the salmon with a mixture of mayonnaise and Parmesan cheese and oven-roasting it resulted…
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Feeling smart, do you?
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .
3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then, it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, ‘Keep off the Grass.’
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘No change yet.’
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.
19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
20. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
21. A backward poet writes inverse.
22. In democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.
23 . When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
24. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.
…and the bar was too low so he got a concussion and died. The end. Funny? How about these instead…
Teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
Little Johnny says, “I wanna hit the powerball and be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest bitch on the planet, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, and an Infinite Visa Card, and bang her three times a day in the most exotic places on earth”.
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.
“And how about you, Sarah?”
“I wanna be Johnny’s bitch.”
I had a quiet New Year’s Eve. Nothing to drink, TV switched off by 8.00pm, then bed with a long sex session to end the night.
I fucking hate prison.
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”
The husband texted back to her: “I’m on the toilet. Please advise.”
So, my wife comes up to me with a dreamy look in her eye and asks, “Why don’t we make love like they do in the movies?”
So I grabbed her, laid her on the kitchen table, ate her pussy, fucked her good, stuck it in her mouth, turned her over, spanked her, stuck it in her ass, then came on her face.
Turns out we don’t watch the same movies.
A tourist in Australia was driving through the Australian Outback when he noticed a man on the side of the road having sex with a kangaroo. A few kilometers further on he came upon a small Outback town, parked his car and went into the pub for a drink. He grabbed a beer and had a look around the bar and noticed a one legged guy sitting in the corner masturbating without a care in the world.
The tourist turned to the barman and said, “What sort of country is this? A few kilometers down the road there was a guy having sex with a kangaroo and that guy in the corner is masturbating in full view of everyone.”
The barman said, “You heartless bastard, he’s only got one leg, how do you expect him to catch a kangaroo?”