It’s high time for low-brow humor!
I met a blonde in a club last night and I asked, “What’s your name?”
“It’s K,” she replied.
“That’s sexy,” I said, “What’s it short for?”
She smiled and answered, “So I can spell it.”
My mate just said, “What’s your favourite mythical creature?”
I said, “Those happy women in Tampax adverts.”
Bob was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear. “What’s the matter?” Bob asked.
“I’ve been transferred to Detroit , there are crazy people there. They’ve got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate in the nation.”
Jack replied, “Nonsense! I’ve lived in Detroit all my life. It’s not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school. It’s as safe a place as anywhere in the world.”
The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, “Oh, thank you. I’ve been worried to death. But if you live there and say it’s OK, I’ll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?”
“I’m the tail gunner on a Budweiser truck.”
The contractor who’s supposed to be building my room addition hasn’t done shit in 4 months.
Apparently, when he promised he’d be as busy as a beaver, he meant Susan Boyle’s.
Mike and Bob are swimming when they see a pregnant woman drowning. They quickly pull her to safety.
Mike starts giving her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
Bob takes off the woman’s panties and puts his mouth on her pussy.
Mike says, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?”
Bob replies, “You save the mother, I’ll save the child!”
I went out into the garden and, to my horror, my wife was slumped on the grass.
The fucking dog had dug her up again.
Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.
Mick says, “How you doin’?”
Paddy says, “Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing.”
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy’s gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the bed.
He says, “Your dad’s sent me up here to have sex with both of you.”
They say, “Get away with ya…. prove it.”
Mick shouts downstairs, “Paddy, both of em?”
Paddy shouts back, “Of course both of em, what’s the point of fuckin’ one?”