Steve Richer

It’s high time for low-brow humor!
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I met a blonde in a club last night and I asked, “What’s your name?”

“It’s K,” she replied.

“That’s sexy,” I said, “What’s it short for?”

She smiled and answered, “So I can spell it.”

—

My mate just said, “What’s your favourite mythical creature?”

I said, “Those happy women in Tampax adverts.”

—

Bob was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear. “What’s the matter?” Bob asked.

“I’ve been transferred to Detroit , there are crazy people there. They’ve got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate in the nation.”

Jack replied, “Nonsense! I’ve lived in Detroit all my life. It’s not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school. It’s as safe a place as anywhere in the world.”

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, “Oh, thank you. I’ve been worried to death. But if you live there and say it’s OK, I’ll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?”

“I’m the tail gunner on a Budweiser truck.”

The contractor who’s supposed to be building my room addition hasn’t done shit in 4 months.

Apparently, when he promised he’d be as busy as a beaver, he meant Susan Boyle’s.

—

Mike and Bob are swimming when they see a pregnant woman drowning. They quickly pull her to safety.

Mike starts giving her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Bob takes off the woman’s panties and puts his mouth on her pussy.

Mike says, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?”

Bob replies, “You save the mother, I’ll save the child!”

—

I went out into the garden and, to my horror, my wife was slumped on the grass.

The fucking dog had dug her up again.

Paddy has broken his leg and his buddy Mick comes over to see him.

Mick says, “How you doin’?”

Paddy says, “Okay, but do me a favour mate, run upstairs and get me slippers, me feet are freezing.”

Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy’s gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters lying on the bed.

He says, “Your dad’s sent me up here to have sex with both of you.”

They say, “Get away with ya…. prove it.”

Mick shouts downstairs, “Paddy, both of em?”

Paddy shouts back, “Of course both of em, what’s the point of fuckin’ one?”

Filed under: funny | Tagged: joke, Humor, politically incorrect, sexist jokes, jokes, dirty jokes, sex jokes, adult jokes | Leave a Comment »

You need jokes, I provide jokes
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I met a blonde in a club last night and I asked, “What’s your name?”

“It’s K,” she replied.

“That’s sexy,” I said, “What’s it short for?”

She smiled and answered, “So I can spell it.”

—

I love CHRISTMAS LIGHTS, they remind me of some co-workers.

They all hang together, half of the fuckers don’t work, and the ones that do aren’t that bright.

A dog lover, whose dog was a female ‘in heat’, agreed to look after her neighbour`s male dog while the neighbours were on vacation. She had a large house and believed that she could keep the two dogs apart. However, as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning sounds, rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious pain and unable to disengage, as sometimes happens when dogs mate.

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, although it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

Having explained the problem to him, the vet said, “Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw.”

“Do you think that will work?” she asked.

“Just worked on me,” he replied.

—

My wife used to punch me in the face every time she had an orgasm during sex, sometimes she would orgasm three or four times.

I didn’t mind so much until I found out she was faking them.

Jewish girl on the phone to her mother says “I’ve had enough I want to divorce my husband.”

“Why?” mom asks. “You have a nice house, a big car, two beautiful children, $3,000 a week to spend and 6 holidays a year, so why divorce him?”

The daughter replies “All he ever wants is Anal sex, when I married him my ass was like a dime, now its more like a half-dollar!”

“My god,” said mom “You’re divorcing him over forty cents?”

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I own Call of Duty Modern Warfare, World at War, Modern Warfare 2 and Black Ops, so deciding what I wanted for Christmas was easy.

I really want to get laid.

Filed under: funny | Tagged: joke, Humor, politically incorrect, sexist jokes, jokes, dirty jokes, sex jokes, adult jokes | 2 Comments »